just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
