My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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