thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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