Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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