when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
