Already got asked if we're dating
i don't like sucking hair
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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