2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
