So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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