So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
