Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
