I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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