i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
