He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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