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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
