No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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