The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
