This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
