the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
