Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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