The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
