Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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