Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize