Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
