It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
