if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What a dumb baby whore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
