I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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