Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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