I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
