I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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