i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
