I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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