my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
