i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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