OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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