I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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