Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The beer is more important than you right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
