being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
