Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
