I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
