Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
PANTIES FOUND
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