dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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