totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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