he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
