Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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