the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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