when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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