so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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