That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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