You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
