susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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