My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sext me about skeletons
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
