id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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