I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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