Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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