I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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