yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
