We're facebook friends in real life
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
