Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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