I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize