is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
