i just google imaged poop.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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