Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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