Dual....:-)
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
