im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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