I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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